


who do you call (when it's late at night)

by GallifreyanFairytale



Series: soft & slow [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Gay Zuko (Avatar), Guilt, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Outing, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Past Jet/Zuko (Avatar), Past Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Pre-Relationship, Zuko (Avatar) Needs a Hug, idk specific ages but they're in their twenties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:41:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26876104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GallifreyanFairytale/pseuds/GallifreyanFairytale
Summary: Sokka picks up on the second ring. “Zuko?”Suddenly, Zuko doesn’t even know what he should say. What do you say when you’re sitting on the floor of your apartment at one in the morning in tears because your entire world is burning down and you’ve cut off all your friends except for one?Old pictures surface, Zuko's world shatters, and Sokka helps him through.
Relationships: Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: soft & slow [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1970167
Comments: 68
Kudos: 678





	who do you call (when it's late at night)

**Author's Note:**

> me: innocently listening to 929 by halsey to see if i should add it to my zuko playlist  
> this fic idea: comes out of nowhere and holds me in a death grip
> 
> TW for a character being outed, homophobia (both internalized and just in general), suicide ideation/self-hatred, and mentions of murder  
> (if you see anything else that needs a trigger warning, just let me know and i'll add it!)
> 
> title from 929 by halsey

**_who do you call when it’s late at night,_**

**_when the headlines just don’t paint the picture right?_ **

**_when you look at yourself on a screen and say_ **

**_“oh my god, there’s no way that’s me”_ **

_— 929, halsey_

  
  


There aren’t many people left Zuko can turn to.

He hasn’t talked to Mai since they broke up, too consumed with the guilt of lying to her even if it wasn’t purposeful. He hasn’t talked to Ty Lee since the break up either, knowing that she’ll look at him in the same betrayed way, because whether he meant to or not, he _lied_ to Mai for six months. He hasn’t talked to Azula since she moved out of the country on their father’s suggestion and he honestly has no desire to learn why he sent her to Europe.

He hasn’t spoken to Aang, Toph, Suki, or Katara in months. They wouldn’t forgive him for lying to Mai either; they all liked Mai. And he let them all think she was The One like Zuko could ever actually fall in love with someone he could tell them about.

Or maybe he could, but he wanted to be able to tell them on his own time. It was _his_ choice if they ever found out, and maybe ghosting them so he didn’t have to talk about it wasn’t the smartest way to go about things, but it was still supposed to be _his_ choice!

All that to say, Sokka is the only person Zuko has spoken to in the past six months beyond a simple _“How are you” “Good, how are you?” “Good.” “That’s good.”_ Which is why it’s Sokka he calls at one in the morning, not sure if he’ll even pick up. He might be awake, or he might be asleep. He might have his phone on, or he might not. He might tell Zuko to never contact him again, which would be totally fair, but Zuko doesn’t have anyone else to turn to.

Sokka picks up on the second ring. “Zuko?”

Suddenly, Zuko doesn’t even know what he should say. What do you say when you’re sitting on the floor of your apartment at one in the morning in tears because your entire world is burning down and you’ve cut off all your friends except for one? What do you say to the one person you think might not hate you when you’re suddenly terrified that they’ll never be able to look at you the same?

“Dude, are you okay? You aren’t usually up this late.”

“I need you,” is Zuko’s pathetic response. But it’s the truth, isn’t it? Hasn’t it always been the truth? Ever since they met and Zuko spent an entire semester hopelessly wishing for the smart kid in his economics class to be his friend. Ever since they had a history of theatre course together the following semester and Sokka chose to sit next to Zuko on the first day. Ever since Zuko realized that Sokka was someone he didn’t have to hide around; Sokka was someone he could unapologetically be himself around.

Except for one aspect of himself, the same one that was now on display for the entire world to see because Zuko hadn’t been careful enough despite _everything_ he did to keep it a secret. He’d lost so much sleep and energy trying to hide just this one thing, and now everyone knew.

“Yeah, sure,” Sokka’s voice sounds through the phone. “You want me to come over?”

“No. Yes. ...I don’t know.” And then he’s full on sobbing again because it’s _too much_ and as soon as Sokka figures it out, he won’t be so understanding and he’ll turn around and walk right back out the door of Zuko’s apartment and they’ll never see each other again.

“Spirits, Zuko, what happened?” Does Sokka sound scared or is that just Zuko’s frantic mind playing tricks on him? “Hang on, buddy. I’m on my way!”

Zuko doesn’t even try to respond. He wants to say _No, stay away. I can’t lose you too._ But really, it’s already too late. Whether Sokka comes to Zuko’s apartment or keeps his distance, he will find out come morning. Anyone who doesn’t already know will find out come morning.

After all, the outing of a presidential candidate’s son isn’t _not_ going to make international headlines.

Nevermind the fact that Zuko hasn’t spoken to his father in years. When he publicly stated that he did _not_ support the campaign, the media went crazy and Uncle had forced Zuko to stay with him for a month. That hadn’t even thrown any wrenches in the campaign. No one voting for Ozai cared if his own son thought he was a horrible person or not. Besides, they could all still believe Azula supported him.

Azula was the lucky one. Living in Europe without a social media presence to maintain. She was a badly-kept secret - the prodigy of the family that Ozai didn’t want to flaunt (except he did) because her successes shouldn’t be tied to him (except they were).

But _these_ headlines would wreck Ozai in one way or another. He would be called hypocritical by his supporters at best, and his supporters would leave him for even being connected to someone like Zuko at worst. And if the latter happened, Zuko’s life was probably over. Literally. Ozai had enough ties to make it look like an accident and make sure no one investigated enough to realize the truth.

That would be what won him the official nomination; pretending to mourn the son he’d had killed. People might speculate, sure - they’d speculated when Azulon died during Ozai's senatorial campaign - but it wouldn’t matter. Everyone sympathized with a parent mourning the loss of their child. If Zuko was going to let something like this come to light, Ozai was going to use Zuko in one final ironic twist for his campaign.

If not for Zuko’s burning hatred of his father and everything he stood for, Zuko might just sit by and let it happen. Order UberEats and sit in his apartment until someone showed up and poisoned him or whatever. Something to make it look like he’d done it himself, unable to handle the world knowing his dirty little secret.

Zuko’s phone screen lights up and he wipes his tears enough to read the text from Sokka: _Two minutes away, hang in there <3 _.

Zuko rips his hand away from the phone, away from the text, the reminder that he’s about to lose his only friend. He turned off all other notifications as soon as he saw the article, but there’s no doubt his social media accounts are being blown up by comments. Somehow, no one else has texted him yet. But it’s only a matter of time. Azula will be waking up soon, if someone hasn’t woken her to inform her of the news already. Ozai is somewhere in California, if Zuko remembers correctly, so he probably hasn't even fallen asleep yet. Maybe he’s being bombarded by cameras and microphones right now, demanding to speak on the apostasy that is his only son. Maybe Zuko only has a matter of minutes before Ozai’s name pops up in his phone screen, demanding Zuko answer the call only to listen to his father threaten his life or call him words he shouldn’t be using, or--

The door swings open. Zuko decides if it’s someone his father sent, he’s just going to sit here and take it. He doesn’t have the energy to fight, not when tears are still slipping from his eyes and rolling down his cheeks, not when any ounce of self-preservation he might have had left in him flew out the door as soon as he saw the article.

The bold red words still burn into his mind. _BREAKING: Presidential candidate Ozai Sozin’s son Zuko Sozin caught kissing actor Jet Deol!_ The pictures were two years old - from before he started dating Mai - but they’d never been seen by the public eye before. They were never supposed to see the light of day. Zuko had done absolutely everything in his power to be sure every trace of the pictures was gone forever, but apparently it hadn’t been enough. _How had it not been enough?_

“Zuko. Hey.” The voice of the man who enters Zuko’s apartment is soft and familiar. So not someone coming to kill him. Pity. “What happened?” Sokka crosses over to where Zuko is and sits down across from him.

Zuko shakes his head and brings his knees tighter to his chest. He can’t say it.

“Is it Ozai?”

Zuko sniffs. He shakes his head again.

Sokka shifts so he’s sitting on Zuko’s right, and then he pulls Zuko into his arms. Zuko wants to fight it, but he just decided he doesn’t have any fight left in him. Besides, Sokka is warm and Zuko can’t deny that he really, really, just needs someone to hold him and tell him he’s going to be okay. Even if he knows it won’t be okay. Zuko could use some empty reassuring right now.

Sokka brings one of his hands to Zuko’s hair and begins to run his fingers through it, smoothing out the tangles Zuko knows he caused earlier when he was obsessively running his hands through it like that could make time go backwards. Zuko’s movements had been frantic, tugging at the strands, pacing back and forth, mind running wild with a million horrible thoughts and a million thoughts somehow worse than those. Sokka’s movements now are slow and methodical. When he reaches a tangle, his fingers work to nimbly tug through it without hurting Zuko. Zuko leans into Sokka’s touch, letting himself focus on nothing but the feel of Sokka’s fingers in his hair and Sokka’s heart beating against his cheek and Sokka’s chest rising and falling against Zuko with each breath.

When Zuko finally manages to stop crying, Sokka speaks softly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I think I have to.” Zuko doesn’t offer any more information than that, though. He knows he has to tell Sokka, or Sokka is going to open Twitter and find out on his own. He doesn’t get a choice if Sokka knows or not; but he can choose how Sokka finds out. Would it be better to hear it from Zuko himself? Probably.

“You don’t have to say anything.”

“I do.” Zuko insists. He closes his eyes. He doesn’t move, doesn’t look Sokka in the eyes like he should. He can’t do it. He can’t watch Sokka’s face fall. So he lets himself enjoy one final moment of comfort before ripping the band-aid off. “Some pictures got leaked and the media found out I’m--” Zuko’s voice drops to a barely audible whisper. “I’m gay.”

Sokka’s hands still and Zuko braces himself for Sokka to push him away in disgust, but the feeling never comes. Instead, Sokka’s arms are encircling him again, pulling Zuko closer against him. And when he speaks, his voice isn’t angry or betrayed or hateful; it’s gentle. “I’m so sorry.” Coming from anyone else, those words would sound insincere, but Zuko knows Sokka means what he’s saying. “That’s fu-- that’s not okay. That they would out you like that, I mean. Like I get that your dad’s running for president, but that’s _your_ thing. Coming out is supposed to be _your_ decision.”

Zuko shrugs best he can when he’s being pressed into Sokka. Only then does Sokka move Zuko off of him, but he keeps his hands on Zuko’s shoulders. “I love you no matter what, you know that, right? This doesn’t change anything between us.”

Something inside Zuko must break, because he starts crying again. He doesn’t deserve this, doesn't deserve Sokka or anyone else loving him no matter what. His father wants to see the world go up in flames, his sister is helping exactly that happen, and Zuko is so bent and broken and scarred from a life of suppressing himself and trying to be good enough and, and, and--

Sokka pulls Zuko into another hug. “Shhh. Hey, you’re okay. I’ve got you.” Zuko can’t do anything besides cry into Sokka’s shoulder and really, he needs to get his tears under control, but he’s never once had anyone treat him like this.

When he came out to Mai as bi a year ago, she’d hit him with a _“Yeah, same,”_ and that had been it. They laughed about it and continued on with their lives. He knew Mai had actually come out to Ty Lee, but Zuko had just joked about it enough that he figured Ty Lee understood and Ty Lee had joked about enough that he knew she wasn’t straight either, and that had been it. There was no heartfelt conversation with either of them, and it was probably better that way, because Zuko had been lying.

Not on purpose - he never would have lied to Mai on purpose. It was by complete and honest accident that the entire six months of their relationship had turned out to be built on a lie, but that didn’t erase Zuko’s guilt. And instead of confessing to Mai, he had, like a coward, stopped talking to her entirely even though he’d assured her they could still be friends after they split up.

It had just been all so confusing. Because Zuko _knew_ he wasn’t in love with Mai, but he also didn’t exactly feel like his feelings towards her had changed in any way, so a part of him assumed that meant he must still be in love with her. It wasn’t until a few months later that he even entertained the idea that maybe it was just the fact that he hadn’t ever been in love with Mai in the first place.

Zuko doesn’t know how long he lets Sokka hold him before he forces himself to sit upright and wipe the tears from his eyes. Sokka is giving Zuko a look that’s borderline incomprehensible, but Zuko can see the sympathy in it.

“If it helps,” he says carefully. “I’m bi. I can’t relate to the outing thing, but I can relate to not being straight, and it can be tough. But it can also be great, and you should be proud of who you are.”

Zuko manages a smile through his tears. “Thank you,” he says, because he doesn’t quite know what else to say. He still doesn’t quite feel like he deserves this, but if he admits that, Sokka will say something else that brings Zuko to tears and the cycle will start all over again. “What-- What happens in the morning?”

“I don’t know.” Sokka’s voice is painfully honest. “But I do know that I’ll stand beside you.”

Zuko takes a shaky breath. He reaches for his phone and winces away as he turns it on. Surprisingly, the notifications he’s met with don’t make him feel worse. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he can’t possibly get any lower than he already is.

He could, though. He could lose Sokka. But he _won’t_. Sokka said he’d stand by Zuko’s side, and Sokka doesn’t lie, not about something like that.

Zuko stares down at the angry notifications.

**_Ozai_ **

_Missed call (14)_

**_Ozai_ **

_Call me now._

**_Mai_ **

_i just saw the article, do you need anything?_

**_Mai_ **

_if you’re awake and ignoring my texts, please at least say something. i’m really worried about you. if you’re asleep and you see this when you wake up, the offer still stands. i’ll keep my phone on so you can just call me whenever and i’ll be there_

**_Azula_ **

_you are so reckless, zuzu. dad’s gonna have your head_

**_Azula_ **

_i just talked to him on the phone. don’t tell him i said this but please don’t call him until you’re in the right headspace to deal with him, okay?_

**_Azula_ **

_I know you don’t trust me, and you have valid reasons, but I’ll play the middle man if you want_

**_Ty Lee_ **

_mai is really worried about you, zuko. please text one of us as soon as you get the chance_

“Can you--?” Zuko is holding his phone out to Sokka before he fully realizes what he’s doing. “Can you type?” Zuko’s hands are shaking badly enough still that it’ll take him ten minutes to type out a single coherent message to Mai, but he knows he can’t leave her worrying about him all night. He definitely doesn’t deserve her worry, and he’ll tell her that in the morning, but for now, he just needs to tell her to sleep.

Sokka nods. He takes Zuko’s phone and types in the password. “Who are we texting?”

“Mai.” Zuko leans his head on Sokka’s shoulder so he can see the screen as Sokka pulls up his text conversation with Mai. “Tell her… tell her I’m okay, and that you’re here. And that I’ll talk to her tomorrow. Or…” Zuko looks at the time at the top of his phone screen. _1:34 AM_. “Technically later today, I guess.”

Sokka types out a message and lets Zuko read over it before he sends it off. That takes care of Mai and Ty Lee both, though Zuko can formulate an actual response to Ty Lee later if he feels up to it. He briefly considers responding to Azula, but he decides he definitely can’t handle that right now. And he isn’t going to call Ozai right now. Not when he’s thoroughly exhausted and still on the edge of tears. Not when Sokka is sitting so close to him.

Zuko watches the screen as three little dots pop up and another message from Mai comes through: _take all the time you need_.

Zuko has Sokka send Mai a _Thank you_ , and then he readies himself for what he really needs to do: see the damage on social media.

“Are you sure?” Sokka asks, thumb hovering over the Twitter icon. “You don’t owe anyone an explanation right now. You can wait to look until morning.”

“I’m sure. I need to know the damage now.”

Sokka looks like he wants to argue more, but instead, he just taps the icon and opens Twitter. He goes to the _notifications_ section and swipes over to _mentions_. Zuko is fully prepared for the worst, but apparently not everyone is as homophobic as his father. And with the traction he gained for speaking out _against_ Ozai, he supposes he should have expected that it wouldn’t really be the entire world against him. 

**haru** _@harusgarden_

can someone tell me why tf it’s 2024 and i’m seeing @ _bluespirit_ being OUTED?? this is NOT OKAY

**jin** _@jinfromtheteashop_

idc if he’s ozai’s son, there is no reason zuko should have been outed. @ _bluespirit_ if you see this i’m so sorry, you don’t deserve this

**zhao** 🗸 _@generalzhao_

[This tweet has been deleted for violating Twitter's terms of service.]

**ty lee !!** _@tinytylee_

_replying to @generalzhao and @bluespirit_

full offense but shut the hell up

Sokka clicks back to Zuko’s profile before Zuko can read any more. “Do you want to say anything?” 

Zuko shakes his head, shocking himself with the confidence he has in his decision. “I need-- I need to talk to Mai first.” His stomach drops at the thought of having to come clean to Mai, but it isn’t fair to her to find out he lied via Tweet. The least she deserves is an in-person confession. “I lied to her.” He doesn’t mean for the confession to slip out of his mouth.

“What?”

“Our whole relationship, I-- I _lied_ to her, Sokka.” The guilt is rising again, fast enough that Zuko thinks he might get sick. It was Mai’s first relationship, and he tricked her into wasting it on someone who didn’t even love her back. He stole her first date, stole her first kiss, and then disappeared into the night when he realized what he’d done and let the shame overtake him.

“On purpose?” Sokka’s voice is strained, but Zuko doesn’t have the brainpower to analyze _why_. It’s probably because Sokka realizes how horrible of a person Zuko is for what he did to Mai.

“No.” It wasn’t purposeful. But that doesn’t excuse it. Zuko _should have_ known. He should have realized before he started dating Mai. It’s on him because he was so busy repressing his sexuality that he let himself date someone he didn’t _actually_ like. It doesn’t matter if he _thought_ he liked Mai or not; it matters that in the end, he _didn’t_. He was never in love with her, but he tricked her into thinking he was.

“Zuko…” Sokka sets the phone face down on the floor. He turns to face Zuko, but Zuko stares down at his hands. “That’s not your fault, then. Knowing what I do about your father, it’s not hard to figure out why you would think you had feelings for Mai. You don’t need to blame yourself for not realizing you were gay before you dated Mai, that’s not fair to you.”

Zuko shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. She shouldn’t forgive me.” He digs his fingers into the carpet. “I should have told her as soon as I figured it out. But I didn’t, because I could deal with her hating me for ignoring her texts, but I don’t want her hating me for lying. I already hate myself for it.” It’s stupid, really. Zuko can deal with knowing that Mai _will_ hate him, but he doesn’t want to force the day she _does_ hate him upon himself. Drifting apart is fine. But Mai was the first person Zuko explicitly came out to - even if it wasn’t with the right label - and the first person Zuko had felt like he could actually be himself around. Having someone like that hate you when you know with absolute certainty that you deserve it and there is _nothing_ you can do to make up for it...

“I think,” Sokka takes one of Zuko’s hands into his. “I think Mai will see how this is clearly eating you up, and I think she’ll know that you honestly thought you loved her. I think you _do_ love her, just not as a girlfriend, and I think Mai knows that too. You’re allowed to get those types of love mixed up; it’s okay. Mai isn’t going to hate you.”

“I soiled her first relationship.”

“It happens.” Sokka squeezes Zuko’s hand. “You are not the first gay person to date someone of the opposite gender before realizing you’re gay, and you won’t be the last. But you can’t let the guilt weigh you down forever. _It happens_. It was an honest mistake, and you obviously feel terrible about it. It doesn’t make you a bad person for dating Mai when you genuinely _didn’t know_.”

“I feel like it does.”

“I know.”

Sokka pulls Zuko closer, wrapping one arm around his shoulders and keeping the other entwined with Zuko’s. Zuko leans his head on Sokka’s shoulder and tries not to think about how their bodies just seem to _fit_ together. “Do you think you can get some sleep?” Sokka whispers.

“I think I should try.”

Neither of them move. Zuko’s brain runs wild with things he wants to say to Sokka, but his mouth stays firmly shut, and maybe it’s for the best. Maybe, right now, he needs to just let Sokka hold him and let himself deal with everything else in the morning.

Zuko’s eyes slip shut, and he doesn’t want to sleep because he’s afraid of what nightmares tonight will bring, but Sokka is warm and comfortable and _safe_ and Zuko feels his grip on consciousness slipping. He should tell Sokka he’s falling asleep, he should force himself to stand up and walk to his bedroom, or climb up onto the couch at least, but he doesn’t know if his legs will even work. Sokka mumbles something, and Zuko tries to ask, _“What?”_ but he’s not sure if he says it out loud or just in his head.

When he finally slips into unconsciousness, he doesn’t dream of his father or Azula; he dreams of Sokka and the sun.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm considering writing more fics in this verse, so if that's something you want, let me know in the comments! and if you liked this fic, comments/kudos are greatly appreciated!
> 
> UPDATE: [chapter one of the sequel](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26913289/chapters/65675932) has now been posted!
> 
> also i'm back on [tumblr](https://zukkaclawthorne.tumblr.com/) so feel free to send me fic requests (or whatever) there


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